It was her birthday yesterday. Maybe it is just a coincidence but it was also a day where I died for my self. Many things are happening in the office, in our church community, in my former affiliations and to me. I feel that the world is slowly devouring me. In as much as I wanted to explain every thing, I’d rather choose to pick from one of them.
One of my mentors told me that our life in the company and in this world, as well, is not a SPRINT but a MARATHON. Well, indeed my mentor is correct. Most of the times, I try to grab on opportunities only to find out that it is not meant for me. In the end, I will call myself as a cheap looser. Marathon is a footrace run on an open course usually of 26 miles 385 yards (42.2 kilometers). With this long race, it will sure test your endurance and needs deep concentration on what you are doing. If you can read my mind, the operative term is endurance - that is another strong word. The battle of endurance is between you and yourself. The ultimate question is… “Are you going to quit or not?”
Today, I am 3 years and 11 months old in my job. So far, I love it here. I get to enjoy a lot of perks and freebies. I learned to love the technology. I love the values and environment that the company is trying to transpire. Lastly, the company pays me quite fairly. However, as most of the people say that you really cannot please yourself all the time. There are really people that will pull you down. We Filipinos refer to this as CRAB MENTALITY. If someone sees you as a threat, he will do everything just to pull you out of his way. I do not want to drop some names so I will call them as Jack and Jill. We are neither in war nor close to each other. If I ask them questions, they would answer them and vice versa. But frankly saying, I do not like them. I think they are not real people. They are monsters. They are playing as if they are Gods and I truly hate them for that. And to sum up all things, I am their last victim. This breaks my heart. I do not know how I feel at this point. All I have is the fact that both of them are slowly breaking my heart.
Therefore, who is that HER in my first sentence? She was my great love. She decided that it is better if we go on separate ways and master her own craft alone. I grieved but I am happy for her. I am happy but I neither grin nor laugh. I cried and trapped myself inside the solitary room for almost two years. She is indeed my one great love. Every year, I always remember her birth date. And every year, I always find myself in the abyss of darkness.
Posted in: faith,moving on
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