best of the best for 2012

unlike last year, i have a lot of things to share with my 2011. this does not mean that i don't have anything for 2012. but one thing is for sure, 2012 is really something. a very awesome experience. 

picture from here.

top people for 2012

a. dan and albert. these two people are my best buddies. what else can i say? we know each other very much. it's not because we think the same but we know others are thinking. :) 

b. kuya jhing and ate mimi. these two people are really close to my heart. very dear that i don't want them to part ways. they are like my brother and sister. everyone in the community is but they are really special to me. 

c. ruth and joel. they tied the knot. yahoo! after so many years, they finally got married to became one. i am happy for both of them.

b. my girlfriend - florizel. she's always there with me. i love her, no matter what. if she breathes, i wanted to be the air for her. 

e. my mom. she had her second operation for her baker's cyst. she's really strong. i can feel how strong she is.

top events for 2012

a. went to youth pilgrimage. its my first pilgrimage with my girlfriend, what's not good with it!? i love it! every pilgrimage is a different experience. this one is awesome!

b. pamamanhikan. it was my mom's first time in Bicol. the experience with this pamamanhikan is exhilarating. grabe, sobra! i was very nervous yet so happy. the preparation for the wedding is also something...grabe. my girl's family is very supportive as well. oh well, this is it.

c. scrutiny. second time, still we failed. oh well, i am still proud of my community no matter what is happening. everyone has his own story and difficulty to share. a history that we should embrace.

d. this is it moment. i did it again for the second time. well, i can't reveal of course. it was during the scrutiny when i tested myself once again. despite the wedding preparations, i don't know what i am thinking of. lol!

e. trip with my mom to palawan. it was my mom's first time to travel by air! having a trip with her is really awesome. she loves me so much. i can feel it. 

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my new year's letter v.2013

dear God - 

almost all people would agree that every year is always the year of the lord - it's your year. thank you for 2012. it's fruitful and an awesome year. as i go back and see my blog entries for each month, i see compassion and warmth. i can still see the zeal and excitement to be a better person. i can say that I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS. 

this is from here.

...thank you for my family. 2012 is the year when my younger sister settled down. we used to be 3 frickle-minded kids (by heart) in the house and now my mom was left with two. lol! it took us a while before we adjust in the house yet we did it - with your grace. 2013 is going to be different because i will be the one to settle down. but i know you will find a way. we can adjust and we can cope. 

thank you for my mom's health. each year, i see how her health degrades. i can feel and see it. keep her safe. please make my sisters safe and sound. 

...thank you for my work. this year is not a good year for me but certain turn of events are making me more patient and less aggressive. thank you for giving me this job - a job that i never dreamt of. i am not going to elaborate it further. lol!

...thank you for traveling with me. i was able to attend the national youth pilgrimage this year. this is special because it was my last one as a bachelor and first time with my girlfriend. it's like "getting to know you" stage for me and my girl. lol! but it was fun! at least, i know what she doesn't want and what to expect. 

palawan, palawan, palawan. it's an ace. it's world class. i've been to so many places but puerto princesa is fantastic. thank you for giving me the opportunity to spend quality time with my mom in such a awesome place.

...thank you for giving my girlfriend - my fiance. love is love. thank you for everything. you've created a not so perfect girl to complement a not so perfect guy like me. thank you!

...thank you for helping me how to discern. i've never thought that my life will change the way like this. the word "thanks" is an understatement to express how i feel. though we failed failed to surpass the second scrutiny, but the feeling is great. i am proud of my community and i can't see myself without the way. 

love, 

edu

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practical atheism

it was cardinal tagle who coined the word - practical atheism. for him, this is one of the major hurdles in this year's cry for evangelization - this year is apparently called the year of faith. 

this is from here.

“There is atheism which they openly said that they don’t believe in God and there are also those who claim that they are faithful but live as if God doesn’t exist,” Tagle said. from here.

it is true. and this came up to my mind when i heard about the passing of RH Bill in both congress - pnoy even marked this urgent. a lot of personalities expressed their happiness over the event and i am quite saddened because i see them as people with high morality. well, i guess they have their own opinion which i (as a believer) should understand. they openly profess their faith but they decide as if God does not exist.

oh well, it's time heal the wounds of the broken hearted. at least we did our best to pray and made our presence felt to express our side. probably, god is steering the wheel. he probably uses this opportunity to test our faith - until when are you going to be faithful even the door to perdition is out there in the open. God is love. i can feel his love.

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2012 christmas!

today is december 24!

this is from here.

wow! few more hours and its going to be christmas. life is little less complicated this year. it's not because i don't have any problem but because i know the reason why God is giving me such trouble and pain. as the world celebrates Jesus' birthday, our family celebrates it as well.

i am no longer a child to look for santa clause. old and mature enough to say that God is my saviour! He is my strength for I am weak. it is just right to give him thanks and praise!

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echo 2012

this year's echo of the regional convivence is fantastic. i should admit that there are just few people who joined this year but the spirit is always there. its awesome!

honestly, there are things to improve and some things to remove. the thing here is - WE SHOULD BE OPEN TO THE WILL OF GOD. we are all pre-destined to be something or to be someone. it is up for grab. these opportunities are not for everyone. yes. but the bottom of the story is we will all be saved.

our last day, we - with ate evie, ate melda, ate sol and izel - attended the misa de gallo! we went to lourdes and had our 1st morning mass of the season!

here are some pictures...

in front of St. James

our candles for the season!

picture time...

my girlfriend and soon to be my wife...practice na magkatabi kami lagi...lol!

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let me do it again

i am not going to elaborate it. i simply can't. but i can only describe how it feels. the feeling is still exuberant and tremendously awesome. mostly, people would say - promises are meant to be broken. for my case, i need to fulfill a promise to follow my heart.

i know that this is the perfect time, scrutiny is almost over and i am preparing for my wedding next year. somehow, i realized that i need money. we need to pay for the hotel accommodation, venue, food. we need to buy wedding rings and pay for our honeymoon. yes. i don't know why but i know this will hurt me a lot. so, i did!

i so love the feeling. 

this is from here.

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second time around...

convivence is done. i think i personally need it, i need it! first day is kinda harsh. harsh to accept that we are in a dorm type room instead of a comfortable one. lol! a lot of people are using the retreat house. Mary the Queen communities were there for their echo. in fact, there are two groups of people doing the echo. we started kinda late - around 9.30 pm. had three readings - awesome readings - which made my day. we ended the day with silence. no talk. 

second day started with (of course) morning lauds. and a lot of talk with from catechists. afterwards, the dreaded questionnaire. it is true. when you try to answer the same questions for the second time, words will be different. the so-called situation and your mind set are completely different. we were grouped with other parishes. pa and i became group 6 - our group mates? they are all oldies. fortunately, their answers are direct and concise. awesome group! day ended with eucharist. 

last day is morning lauds with some readings. perfect day to finish the whole convivence is to explain everything in plain words. ahehehe. i can't explain things as they are because its going to be complicated. in any ways, the experience is a awesome as our first one. december 2 is the final stage. hope that we'll do well. =) . 

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last day of this year's convivence

last day is another awesome day! it ended with a fruitful celebration of the holy eucharist. every day is a chance for someone to change. every eucharist is an opportunity to pro-create - create a new you. and the eucharist is another should i say - "give me patience" eucharist. instead of delivering myself into the pit of death, i prayed and asked for forgiveness. i can't withstand these people giving boisterous remarks.

anyhow, one of the most exciting part is the pictorial. lol! i got these pictures from ate lot's facebook account.

i love this place. it's lovely and relaxing.

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3rd day Regional Convivence - A Test of Patience and Understanding

this year's convivence is quite weird for me. reason? i thought its "kid's" convivence. =) . i have nothing against kids - believe me. but i guess, i developed this "ADHD" - wherein i get easily distracted whenever people are running or talking behind me. i cannot concentrate. i feel that this is kairos. a moment where God passes by but there were some people that keep on pulling that precious moment with me. oh well, i think its my problem - not theirs.

this year's questionnaire is not that hard to understand - or probably i've been with the way for a couple of years so i know how to answer - ahehehe. i even took a quickie nap. last year, i was assigned to a group with my friend's ex gf and now i was assigned with a girl which i don't like to talk with! lol! oh well, thank God that i have the courage to talk.

after a few hours of answering per group, its now time to answer in front of the whole assembly. every answer is a revelation. of course, i cannot tell each and every detail but its something that i should cherish. a son hurt by pressure and devastated with time. a mother wounded by a series of unfortunate incidents. but the good thing is, God moved into their lives.

the magisterium is also perfect! short but very concise.

 

taken by kuya pops last year.

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2nd day Regional Convivence 2012 - a day to cherish

second day of regional convivence is a day to cherish. full of catechesis, songs and words of God. in the afternoon, we had scrutatio. i have nothing in my head but to think of how to converse with Him. so i prayed and begged him to talk with me.

he did. prayers can really move mountains. and it moved mount edward inside my heart. it helped me to alleviate the pain of "what i thought to be a healed wound".

i am not good in forgiving people. especially those who have left us behind during our dark ages. i always ask myself - why should i forgive him if he's not asking for forgiveness? why should i help him if he left us - our family - from the dark? but there comes a time where i started to open the line of communication. i thought i am fine. i thought that with this effing phone number, i may start to forgive him. but he triggered it, he asked for money. the "what i thought to be a healed wound" became fresh once again. is he talking to me because he just wanted to ask for money?

my scrutatio for - 2 Cor 6: 1 to 2 - helped me a lot. all of the words are leading towards loving and forgiving. every time i ask him a question, the next reading helped me realize the answer. and now, i am just waiting. i don't know if i should wait but i am. 

this convivence is so good. a perfect way to commune with Him.

picture from here.

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caritas christi

last regional convivence, this song is one of the songs that touched my heart. an awesome song!

caritas christi urget nos!
caritas christi urget nos!

the love of Christ impels us at the thought,
the love of Christ impels us at the thought;
that if one has died for all,
all have died;
that if Christ had died for all,
all have died.

and He died for all so that those who live
may live no longer for themselves
but for Him who died and is risen for them.

caritas christi urget nos!

caritas christi urget nos!

if someone is in Christ he is a new creation,

the old things have passed away, new ones are born.

the one who did not know sine,

God has treated as sin

so that we may become the righteousness of God in Him.

caritas christi urget nos!

caritas christi urget nos!

woe to me, if i do not announce the gospel,

woe to me, woe to me!

woe to me, if i do not announce the gospel,

woe to me, woe to me!

caritas christi urget nos!

caritas christi urget nos!

the love of Christ impels us at the thought,

the love of Christ impels us at the thought;

that if one has died for all,

all have died;

that if Christ had died for all,

all have died.

this was taken during the regional convivence on 2011.

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1st night: Regional Convivence 2012

first night. we're supposed to leave by 5.30 PM but because of heavy torrential rains, we left the house by 7.45 PM. i should say "grabe"! we barely see the streets going to tagaytay. rain is so heavy but i know kuya jaime - our driver - knows that we have to go to st. james.

we arrived at around 9.10 PM. right after we unloaded our things, the lights went off. lol! luckily, dan's cellphone has flashlight. the retreat house has an old generator and they informed us that its not going to last for long.

usually, convivence starts with introduction of each community. but this time is different, catechists know that most of the people weren't there yet. they decided to have it tomorrow. the announcement is short yet precise. the random gospel reading is also good.

it talks about a woman who gave everything to God instead of keeping it for themselves. he talked about this further by saying that this is God is calling us today. to be servant and not to respond on earthly desires. i remember my blog entry regarding sold virginity. oh men! i thank God for he has given me this way.

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pedro calungsod and rico yan

today, a lot of filipinos are celebrating because of today is the canonization of blessed pedro calungsod. he is martyr from visayas region. in fact, little is known about blessed pedro - even his hometown. some say that he is from cebu, bohol, ilo-ilo. where ever he is from filipinos are still proud.

this picture is from here.

imagine, we know very little thing about him - so bad. he gave his time and devotion to spread the words of God at a very young age - 21. all i can remember when i was at his age is i am busy flirting and studying - lol! the gospel for today speaks so much about his life. something we should follow. he may not be the leader of the expedition that brought him to death but he died like as if he is the leader - a type of leadership that God wants us to be - a servant leader.

 i first heard this so-called servant leadership when rico yan died last 2002. he died at early age of 27. they said that he died because of drug overdose after hearing that claudine baretto (his girlfriend at that time) gave up her pregnancy. anyways, for some he died will full of honor and dignity. fortunately, we have the resources to know where rico yan is from. he is a matinee idol, entrepreneur, model and actor - dami!

so, what's my reason of mentioning these two young people in this entry? oh well, i just thought how God is so great he gave us pedro calungsod. a person of action and epitome of what servant leadership is. a character that rico would like to practice if he was just given a chance. how good right?

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2nd chance

here we go again, of all the so-called "second chances" i am really nervous at this one. happy but so nervous. we failed to complete our task as a community last year. we're losers but then i am proud of my community - my family. 

and now, our catechists came for a visit. they asked us a couple of questions (about preparations, celebration of the word and eucharist), some updates (dan, ruth, and my personal life) and of course gave everyone a reminder - reminder of how God loves us so much and what He wanted us to do. 

it's kinda hard to answer their questions but reality will really set you free - God is the way, the truth and the life. they opened the idea of sending us to our scrutiny again. a second step, a second phase for the second time, a second chance.

may God help us...

 

this picture is from here.

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RH Bill: my stand, my thoughts v2

here's the second part of my point on RH Bill. 

d. controlling the population is controlling the economy. i am not here to discuss the implications of controlling the population but my stand here is simple - controlling the population will not solve the issue on poverty. in fact, of all arguments made by pro-RH peeps, this is where (i think) i appreciate much. population is really growing and so as the poverty level. but, what we need is political will from our beloved politicians. we need someone who can turn the tides. please allow me to quote on this from former manila mayor lito atienza - 

"Population control and the size of the family are not the problems. Good governance is the challenge. Spending so much time and effort to cause a reduction, and to intrude in the life of families will merely destroy the values - primary of which is the valuing of life - which will merly serve as a band-aid solution.". 

lito atienza may not be the best person to discuss about good governance but i think he pretty hit my mind. also, i quote again - 

"Population control damages people's thinking by permanently accepting the distorted notion that pregnancy is a problem to be avoided. Materialism has overtaken values in today's world. The young are taught that they can engage in sex as long as they do not get pregnant. This is exactly the unwritten message, the signal if you will, of the RH bill you are supporting."

i love kuya kim but not his father. lol. but i think his statement gave me a pretty good impression that he has his values in tight. it is true that materialism has overtaken values in today's world. for me, it's like you don't want to bring another baby a chance to live simply because you wanted to buy your growing kid - iPad, iPod, hi tech television, etc. these modern day technology is just to remind everyone that our world is a lot better now than 50 years ago and not to engage ourselves to such. i can give a lot of examples but it won't fit here. =) . you can read the open letter of former mayor lito atienza here. 

e. talking about sex. just like any other filipino families, i grew up basically in a family where talking about sex is a big "NO-NO". actually, it is my environment who taught me about it. it's the older people - not my parents. this practically lead to a great disaster - misconception about sex. my environment showed me that sex is synonymous to acceptance. you need to have sex so you are in. this misconception made a monster inside me - until now, i am still in war against this monster.

a few weeks ago, a friend is asking if having pre-marital sex is unacceptable and immoral? and who's fault is it if someone got involved into it? it's good that the question wasn't directed to me. =) . reality sucks but it should unfold naturally. having pre-marital sex is immoral and unacceptable to catholic church because it should be done within the boundary of marriage. one man loving a woman. who's fault is it if someone was put in that situation? no ones fault is it. it is still a choice if you wanted to have sex. you should not be condemned. but one should think that virginity is the best gift that you could ever give to the person you love. will i hate my girl if she's no longer a virgin? no. virginity is the best gift but there are a lot of other things that you could offer. are you immoral if you had sex with someone with your boyfriend/girlfriend even if you love each other so much? yes, you are. but important thing here is, Jesus is willing to forgive you from all of your sin because He loves you so much. 

f. responsible parenthood is the answer. last state of the nation address, pnoy mentioned something about responsible parenthood. yes i agree with it. but people say that this pnoy's way of being a responsible parent is educating people that they have access to family planning - throught IUD, condoms and etc.

one thing that pnoy and i had in common is that we do not have family of our own. we're both single men oozing with ideas to make this country a better place to live. but we have different perspective of what responsible parenthood is. and it will be summarized in this post >>

picture is from here. 

every year, we have convivence in neo-catechumenal way. and last year, we talked about sex, chastity and parent's responsibility over it. allow me to quote a part of the manuscript >>

...i already presented a document of the pontifical council for the family on sexual education. it is said in the introduction to this book as help to the parents that...

among the several difficulties that the parents have today is certainly that of offering the children an adequate preparations to the adult life, in particular for what concerns the education to the true significance of sexuality. 

in the past, the family would not be able to provide an explicit sexual education, because the general culture was helping and was objectively helpful in protecting to keep chastity, etc.

the school, then, often replacing the family, gives more information then formation. sometimes it is given a deformation rather than formation.

it is very urgent that the parents have the right-duty of transmitting them a healthy sexual education.

thus, responsible parenthood is the key to population growth. but, do parents really know that they have these responsibilities? i don't think so. how many of us have parents who taught us about sex? i can only count a few people - not even 10.

six points. i hope that i can convince you that RH Bill will really kill people. let's fight against RH Bill.

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eucharist will be eucharist

eucharist will be eucharist. every night is a night to remember. every celebration is a conversation to cherish. for the past two saturdays celebrating the eucharist, i should say that the priests rock! father glen and father migz were really great in delivering their sermons/homilies. 

father glen. august 25 eucharist is more than like a eucharist. it's a conversation with God which tells us what love and marriage is all about. it's so funny because a lot of people shared about the readings. one particular thing that struck me is the second reading from ephesians 5: 21 - 32. you can read it here - its in tagalog because i am a tagalog. =) . 

in the reading, it talks about submission - not just the wives/women to their husbands/men but vice versa. father glen talks about this submission by giving an example about a "may-december" love affair - where a woman is a lot older than a man - of course it can be the other way around. father glen said and i quote

ang tunay na pagpapasakop ay yung pag-tingin sa kagandahan at biyaya ng bawat isa. 

real submission is looking into the gifts and inner beauty of one another.

and it's true right? this is why, it is important to look for someone that will not just make you feel comfortable dealing with (e.g. physical features) but also look for the gift of one another. something that will make you say, "she changed me for the better.". and i think i found the one. 

thank you father glen for this. 

father migz. september 1 eucharist is a completely different thing. i see a God who reminded me that life must go on. i must say that i'm not doing good these past few days because of assessments and probably promotion. and quite devastated about it. of course, i can't talk things in detail but God reminded me of something. 

it was almost the end of his homily. father migz stopped and talked about the following God's will. 

ang kalooban/kagustuhan ng Diyos ay napakahirap unawain. pero kung tayo ay papa-loob sa Kanyang kagustuhan ay saka lang tayo magiging kaloob ng Diyos, isang regalo. 

following God's will is difficult to comprehend. but if you'll just obey His spirit, that is when you'll become a gift. 

probably, it's really not yet my time. not time to have a rating that i want. probably, i'll do something different this year. something i never did before. just like the lesson in "who moved my cheese?" by spencer johnson, i just have to look for another way to get what i want. well, i guess this is enough. God talked to me last night  in the presence of father migz and i know i feel better. 

thank you father migz for this.

one of our eucharistic celebrations.

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katapusan ng agosto

noong una pa lang, nararamdaman ko na. medyo malabo yung langit. pero kahit alam ko na, ay umasa pa rin ako. at ngayong alam ko na, nagtatanong ako - bakit di pa ako nasanay? di ko alam. hehehe.

'yung batid na ng kaluluwa ko pero masakit pa rin sa dibdib.
'yung tanggap ng utak ko pero iwinawaksi ng puso ko.
'yung dapat ay magpasalamat ka pero di ko magawa. 

...ito ung dahilan kung bakit ko pinili ang Diyos kaysa itong mga bagay na ito. sa katunayan, nagdadalamhati pa ako ngayon. gusto ko sanang mag-salita ng marami pero di ko magawa. syempre, kailangan ay respeto na lamang.

kahapon, malakas na naman ang ulan - sumabay sa pagdarahop ng aking puso. akala ko ay patuloy na naman ang pagbagsak nito mula sa langit. lumipas ang ilang oras, pilit nang dumidilat ang aking mga mata. sa aking paggising, naramdaman ko agad ang pagmamahal ng Diyos. liwanag ang bumalot sa aking kapaligiran. nagbabadya ang pagpaparamdam ni Haring Araw at kasabay ang pagtawag ng Panginoon.

tama, sa gitna ng aking nararamdamang pagdarahop ay mahal ako ng Panginoon. sa gitna ng kadiliman ay sisikat ang araw. salamat sa Diyos!

bukang liwayway sa Zaragosa, Espana

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world youth day - a year after...

january of 2011. its the time of the year when i asked my manager to for a leave on the whole month of august. no one can stop me. and indeed! august 2011 - a year ago - when i attended the world youth day in madrid, spain. 

its when i saw the pope and hear his voice while saying - "stay with me...". pope is saying those words when the winds were so strong and rain is pouring all over us. it was really an experience to remember. something that i should cherish while i am still alive. this will serve as the oil to keep my faith burning!

 life is something we should cherish. it has been a year since i visited a place i would really love to go and an event i would really want to attend. world youth day in madrid of august 2011. 

here are some of my pics >>

a view on our way to avila from zaragoza.

my friends in street of toledo.

in javier - this is where st. francis of xavier was baptized.

@ huesca, during our popular mission.

@ islazul.

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people i used to know...

august is one hell of a roller coaster. early today, filipinos received a bad news about sec. jesse robredo. early this month, i received a sad news. one of my co-workers was found dead along the shore in lemery, batangas. 

i heard so many rumors about his death but i would like to leave it as is. one thing that i learned about this incident is everything can happen in an instant. i maybe writing this blog entry today but i may die an hour after. that's how it goes. everything can be a blink of an eye. 

also, most of my close friends at work know about my feelings against this person. yes, we used to be close friends but we parted ways because of our differences. in fact, i don't want to talk to him during calls or meetings. i know i might be a little insensitive but i have my reasons. 

because of what happened to him, i sent a quick "hi" and "hello" to my friends whom i call as "people i used to know". just to renew the communication. i received a cold reply from them but at least i took the initial step. 

it is true that true friends are hard to find. i may not know what that means but important thing is i have my neo-catechumenal community to back me up. through thick and thin, they are always here for me. i'm so lucky i belong to the second community.

missing peeps - kuya jhing, pa, ate susan, ate sol.

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RH Bill: my stand, my thoughts v1

i am very vocal with my stand - ANTI RH BILL all the way. i should agree with some arguments which i may say as PRO RH BILL. i can site a lot of samples and arguments but just like everyone else, we owe everything to God - who gives us life everyday. it is really hard to understand what God wants to do in our lives. but if you want to listen, listen through your heart. do not harden it simply because other people is against the church. hhaayy...

to reiterate my stand on this bill, here are some of my points:

a. we do not have the right to stop someone else's life simply because another person's life is at stake. probably, i am saying this because i am still a single man. but if you have faith in God, it's going to be easy. God loves us so much for he has given us a lot of options. He gave us the brain to think as human being and not as animals. we all have our responsibility over everything we interact with. the rule is simple yet its so hard to follow.

it is not right to blame everything to the unborn child. whatever happens, it's still a gift. a gift of life to cherish and be happy about it.

b. we should strengthen woman's worth not by giving them freedom of choice but to educate them that the entire humanity needs them. in may 20, 1994, a woman named sushmita sen from india won the miss universe pageant because she know that the origin of a child is a mother which is a woman. bob goen, host of the pageant, asked the question "what is the essence of being a woman?". sushmita sen answered - "i think being a woman, by itself, the very fact that you're a woman, is a gift of god which we all must appreciate. the origin of a child is a mother, and is a woman, and a woman is one who shares love and who shares and shows a man what love, caring and sharing is all about. thank you.". i got this entire thing from here. women plays a very important role in the humanity. but i guess, most people are not aware of this.

come on! i've been to japan and spain. the problem with them is that they don't have so many young people. reason is simply because more and more women are less interested in having a child.

c. chastity is showing your love. i know i may not be the perfect person to talk about chastity. i am quite loyal to my girlfriend. i must admit that i sometimes do stupid things but that's all part of the learning process. but as i learn, i know my limitation. i know where to stop and when to continue. this is why i love my girlfriend very much. she taught me a lot of things that i don't learn from school. and that is to wait. i am very eager but i know it won't help me succeed. i should have quoting someone on this note about chastity. however, i chose to protect his privacy. instead, i chose to post a letter from a man who suffered a lot. allow me to quote a part of the letter - instead of teaching the children how to use a condom, let us teach them how to gain control over their sexual desires, let's teach them how to be faithful to their partners, to practice exclusivity, and to be patient. here's the whole letter >>

 this is from here.

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