sad but hopeful

ssooo sad.

this could be my last blog entry for the month. i will be going to new york and washington dc this weekend - without my laptop. i hope this trip could somehow change my perpective. =( . I am feeling so lonely this past few days. so many reasons that i could not reveal at this time to protect the identity of the people involved.

isa lang talaga yung prayer ko ngayon, mawala sana itong nararamdaman kong kapighatian. pulos lungkot na lang yung nadarama ko sa mga nakaraang araw. nawa ay mawala sa akin ito.

sa tuwing pumapalo ang ang malamig na hangin sa balat kong kayumanggi ay patuloy naman ang pag-tangis ng dugo sa aking katawan. dugo na tila di ma-ampat sa kanyang pag-agos.

as i have said in one of my status - duguan na ako, konti na lang pede na akong dinuguan. sounds funny but it is true. everyday, i am waiting for some event that could lead me to find my strength to stand up from this abyss of darkness.

i am very hopeful that this ny and dc trip will give me some more reason to smile.

Read more »

25 Random Things

Ito yung patunay na wala ako sa mood. Noon ko pa gustong magkaroon ng ganitong blog entry, pero wala akong panahon. Ngayon namang may panahon ako, wala naman ako sa mood. Kay eto, one week ko ginawa itong blog entry na ito...

1. I love watching Tagalog movies with my Mom. John Lloyd/Bea, Kim/Gerald, Toni/Sam John Lloyd/Sarah – name it napanood namin yan ng Mom ko.

2. Di ako masyadong umiinom. Minsan minsan lang.

3. I undergone 4 to 5 times of ungiectomy when I was in college due to my ingrown toenail.

4. I am a graduate of B. S. Chemical Engineering but ended up as Software Engineer. Hindi kasi ako nag-top sa board. LOL! Kidding aside, I think it’s a calling to have a new career so I accepted the offer with Accent to the Future. Mapua Tech at that time is offering three Minors for my course - Environmental Engineering, Management and Computer Science. I took Envi Eng’g. If I knew that I will end up with computers, I should have taken Computer Science. Hehe. You really do not know what will happen in your life.

5. I hate waiting but I have no choice. I need to be patient.

6. My dad died April 5, 1999 – one day before my 18th birthday. This was so far, my loneliest birthday. This makes me the only guy in the family.

7. I am a big wrestling fanatic. Gustong gusto ko si John Cena. First time kong nakapanood ng live wrestling dito sa Chicago. Sayang, di nyo ako nakitang tumatalon noong nanalo si John Cena over Big Show!

8. I usually do not comb my hair when I am at home.

9. I used to be the Corps Commander nung HS ako. Ito ay dahil sa tingin ko wala nang choice.

10. I think I am best with History – Philippine History to be specific. I simply love it. Only few people know that I have a great desire with Philippine History.

11. I hate fresh pineapples. I do not eat pineapples if it is not from a can – processed.

12. I used to love dugo – yung street food na kasama lagi ng adidas at ng helmet. Pero nung nalaman ko kung saan galing yun, I started to dislike it.

13. I love writing poems. Kaso lang, na-discourage ako ng teacher ko nung HS kasi ayaw nyang maniwala na ako yung gumawa ng isang poem. I thought its good pero ewan ko sa kanya. Umpisa nun, minsan minsan lang ako nag-sha-share ng poems ko. Depende pa sa mood.

14. Mag-yayabang ako ng konti. =) . Silver Medalist ako sa B. S. Chemical Engineering. Mapua Tech ' 98.

15. I love the game Pokemon in GBA Emulator and in DSi. People would think that it’s just a game but for me, it’s more than a game. You will learn a lot from this game – e.g. in order for you to catch them all, you have to be patient and know your foe’s strengths and weaknesses. Lalim!

16. I love walking. With Kuya Sonny and his friends, we used to walk from our town to Baclaran during Maundy Thursday.

17. Di naman din obvious na mahilig akong mag-post sa blog site ko di ba? Madalas ditto ko nailalabas ang sama ng loob ko.

18. I used to be the Little Municipal Mayor of our town - October of 1997.

19. I am currently walking along the path of Neo Catechumenal Way. Sa Pilipinas, kabilang ako sa ikalawang komunidad ng Sto. Rosario sa Rosario, Cavite. Here in US, I am part of the fourth community in St. Gertrude in Franklin Park, Illinois. Don’t get me wrong. I am always in crisis. Many people would say that if you go to church often you are already HOLY. This is not true; being a Catholic is a continued effort to be commune with God. The operative term is EFFORT because I still do what I wanted to do – most of the times. Nag-sermon pa talaga ako, ano? Haha! In short, I am not HOLY. But, I always try to be as good as I can, in my own little ways.

20. Nag-cocollect ako dati ng mga bus tickets - kahit anong bus. Pero ngayon, wala na siya dahil sa sobrang dami. LOL!

21. I am totally in loved with the City of Baguio. Gustong gusto kong pumunta dun.

22. I love to read books, too. Paulo Coelho is the best for me. Dalawa na lang yung books nya na di ko pa nababasa. By the River Piedra, I sat down and wept ang pinaka-favorite ko. However, if ever I will be writing a book it would be like that of Bob Ong’s books. I love the humor, its so me! Humor na may dating. I used to read Sydney Sheldon books as well.

23. Nagiging addict na akong tumakbo. Sa ngayon, sa treadmill pa lang ako tumatakbo. I am hoping to join some events here in Chicago.

24. Umpisa nang tumira ako dito sa Chicago, nagustuhan ko na ang mga musical plays. Ang una kong napanood ay yung Rent – sa Oriental Theatre. Tapos, Wicked naman sa San Francisco. Ano kaya ang susunod?

25. Sobrang taba ako dati. I used to have a 40 inch waistline – possibly more than pa! I have no permanent diet. I eat what I want pero ngayon nagiging cautious na ako sa pinipili kong food. Sa ngayon, I already reached my 145 – 150 lbs level. Ang saya ko!

Read more »

Wala ako sa Mood…

Wala ako sa sa mood ngayon.

Wala ako sa mood na
…magsulat.
…magkwento.
…maglahad ng sanaysay.
…mag-blog.
…mag-salita.
…matulog.
…magbasa.
…manuod ng tv.
…mag-trabaho.

Hehehe. Di naman halata di ba? Wala na akong masabi.

Read more »

tama si tin

Di ko alam pero parang tama ang kaibigan kong si Tin. Nakakainis, kasi parang tanga talaga ako. Ganito talaga ang nararamdaman ng mga taong nahinog lang sa pag-mamahal. Nalilito pa rin ako pero kailangan lang akong maniwala eh. Kasi yun naman talaga ang gusto kong paniwalaaan.

Nakakatawa dahil sa panahon nga ngayon, paniniwalaan mo kung ano ang gusto mong paniwalaan kasi ang tama lang sa iyo ay kung ano ang nararamadaman mo. May sense pa ba? Sa tingin ko kasi kung nararamdaman mo yung nararamdaman ko ngayon, malalaman mo. Di ko naman syempre pwedeng i-expound kung ano man ito dahil magkakaroon siya ng idea. Ang alam ko lang, tanga ako kasi alam ko naman yung limitations ko pero pinipilit ko pa rin.

Read more »

faith

Gusto ko lang i-share >>

Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step. - Joni Erickson Tada...

I got this from Facebook. Ang ganda di ba?

Read more »

cenation

we - john and i - just got home from judgement day. for me, there is nothing better than seeing john cena win against big show LIVE.

Read more »

sssuuupppeeerrr excited...

i am super excited with the upcoming judgement day later this evening. i hope that john cena would win over the world's largest athlete - big show.

this will be my first time to watch a live wwe match. i'm really super excited.

Read more »

huli na ito, para sa iyo...

Malimit, sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, makikita natin ang sarili natin na lugmok sa isang lugar. Hindi man natin gustuhin pero kailangan nating maranasan ang mga bagay na ayaw nating maranasan. Sa mga taong nakakabasa nito, ito ay halaw sa aking nararamdaman. Di ko masyadong ugali ang mag-kwento ng mga nararamdaman ng ibang tao dahil alam kong sila ang nasa magandang posisyon para gawin ito.

Akala ko hindi na ako magiging apektado kung may maririnig ako tungkol kay GL. Pero sa tingin ko, ito na yung huling blog entry ko tungkol sa kanya. Kung di nyo kilala si GL, pasensya na kailangan ko lang siyang itago kasi may sarili na siyang buhay. Sabihin na lang natin na importante siya sa buhay ko – mali pala – NAGING importante siya sa buhay ko. May pagkakataon na sa kanya lang umikot ang mundo ko. Pero sabi ko nga, may ibang buhay na siya. Eh, bakit ko siya binabanggit dito di ba? Naguguluhan ka ba? Ako kasi naguguluhan din. Pasensya na! Siguro, naging apektado lang talaga ako sa huling balita ko sa kanya. Di ko inaasahan na ganun yung malalaman ko.

Pero pangako ko, ito na yung huling blog entry ko sa kanya. Siya nagawa niyang sumulong patungo sa buhay na gusto niyang matamo, ako naman ay nandito din ay patungo din sa nais kong puntahan.

Sa pagkakataon na ito, di ko na siya talaga papatakbuhin sa isipan ko...

Read more »

...

ang isa sa pinaka-ayaw kong gawin ay mag-intay...
ngunit sa panahon na ito ay wala akong dapat gawin kundi gawin ito...

kung malalaman mo lang kung anong oras na ngayon, pero ito pa rin ako nag-hihintay ng kasagutan...
mapa-tama man ito o mali yung marinig kong mga salita...

pero alam ko naman yung magiging kasagutan...
ang importante lang, masabi ko...

Read more »

a poem...

dont get me wrong, i am not a good poet. the poem below is written by Rudyard Kipling...

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat these two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

This is really, an awesome poem which tackles about having good attitude - well, it depends on how you read between the lines but that is how I got it!

Read more »

pag-iwan sa mga luha ng kahapon...

ang daming mga panahon na gusto ko pa ring umiyak, pero alam ko na di na kailangan kasi naka-move on na ako. sa tingin ko lang, kung di pa ako nakakabalik sa kinatatayuan ko, gusto kong sabihin ito sa mga taong kasama ko..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
malimit, may mga pagkakataon na kailangan na lang nating umiyak para mailabas kung ano ang nararamdaman natin. sa nakalipas na mga panahon, may mga nasaksihan akong mga bagay at pagkakataon na lubos kong ikinalungkot, ikinasaya at ikinagalit. pero ang mahalaga, natutunan kong umiyak at ilabas kung ano ang nararamdaman ko.

masaya ako dahil may mga kaibigan akong laging tumutulong at nakikinig sa kin. mga taong nais na gumawa ng paraan para maiwanan ang mga luha ng kahapon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read more »

feeling again

It was a mixed feeling, sssooo excited yet quite afraid. Excited to see my cousins and relatives yet quite afraid that I may do something wrong. In the end, I saw my self in the crossroads. I never thought that I will feel like this. I was totally adjusted with my living alone but after the Las Vegas trip - I need to adjust again. I suddenly miss my family sssooo much. My Las Vegas trip made me feel so good. In fact, I miss them all…

I miss
...Kuya Jay, Ate Liza and Brian.
...Tita Annie, Tito Rollie and Roland.
...Amaya, AJ and Baby Dale.
...Ate Lei and Kuya Dale.

More entries soon.
I just feel that I need to put this feeling of loneliness into words. I will definitely go back to Las Vegas.

Read more »

foggy in san francisco

i love San Francisco's foggy night...we watched wicked in san francisco and it was awesome. i never realized that it was really foggy in san francisco until we went out of the theatre.

the day is ssssoooo long because there were a lot of issues in the office. but it ended in the same way wicked ended, a happy ending. two more days and my days in california is over. i hope that it will be better tomorrow.

Read more »

6955 Mission St. Daly City, CA 94014

i love this place. after more than five months, i finally tasted something good once again. food here in US is awesome but there is really nothing like the taste of something that you've always been dreaming of - jollibee.

we went to daly city when we visited san francisco. more blog entries about my san jose, san francisco and las vegas trip in the next few weeks.

Read more »