If there are three things that my girlfriend taught me last Tuesday, it would have been these things >>
1. People change.
2. People change.
3. People change.
Feb 29 comes every four years but I cannot force myself to maximize everything. I know it’s my choice to make – whether I should be affected or not; but anger is around me and my emotion spiked up to 90% utilization. I wanted to believe in my girlfriends advice but experience thought me three things >>
1. People change if they wanted to change.
2. People change for a reason.
3. People change if they help themselves to change.
I am a concrete example to it. My brat-meter used to be 9. At that rate, it was like spoiled little brat who expresses himself even in the expense hurting others experience. I still am but tamed down a little. Whenever I describe myself, tactless is on top of my list. Personally, I thank God for calling me to this Way. This taught me to value people and their feelings. I wanted to change because I realize that I need a community to follow God. I need people to make me a better person. I need people in the community. I need to change. I need to be considerate and lower my standards. Not all people, talk, think and behave like me. Not all people are as boisterous, inconsiderate and insensitive as I am.
Equipped my desire to change, I found myself in den of lions and tigers. Ready to devour and eat me alive. I am one of them. Vindictive, cruel and brutal. Father Paulo Benetton once said, a community is a group of heartless people. People who hate other people. People who praise God yet they keep on doing his/her will. People who find themselves in the abyss of darkness and chose to stay where they are. One day, out from nowhere, I just realized that I am learning to accept them. Metaphorically, I found my heart in these heartless people. I found my love who taught me to love people. I found not just a companion, not just a family – I found love. The greatest thing that someone will learn is how to love and be loved in return. This love is another reason for me to change.
I did my best to keep the fire burning but I guess my best wasn’t good enough. Here I am again, back where I was before. Hopelessness is slowly crippling me. The sands of time is slowly running out. All the hopes that someday, somehow, someone in my community will change is gradually fading away. Demons murmuring saying “How can you help someone change if he doesn’t help himself change?”. This feeling shall pass, it is what I keep on filling up my narrow headed mind. People change if they help themselves to change. I have to help myself change for me to change. I should love Him for who you are no matter how hard it is.
If ever you’ll hear this, here’s a little advise. Life is a matter of choices you choose and decisions you make. If you continue to leave in a life where you think you have no choice, you’ll ended up having no choice. Do not blame other people for a series of unfortunate events. It’s your choice to be trapped. Past is past. It will never change. If you continue to leave in the past with someone you love, you’ll ended up losing love. Do not blame other people for your breakup. It takes two to tango. Tomorrow relies on what you do today.
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Posted in: anger,love life,moving on,thankful,way
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